By: Dr. Harold Sala
When two great rivers come together, there is a great deal of turbulence as the waters surge from different directions. Then only after the waters have mingled and calmed do they begin to flow smoothly together. I've often thought of that when two people marry, coming together from different families, perhaps different habits and backgrounds and different customs. Now when two individuals from different cultures come together in marriage the troubled waters of turbulence have a much longer way to go before they experience the tranquility of calm waters.
Culture is a very powerful force, as you may have come to understand. Marrying someone from a different ethnic background, or moving from one part of the world to another, involves the clash of cultures, and if you have children they are often torn between the two cultures, hesitantly trying to identify with each, but other times failing to really relate to either completely. Sometimes I think of children as islands or a delta where two great rivers flow together, and they feel isolated and not quite able to meet the demands of either parent.
Cross cultural marriages or relationships are not impossible, but they are difficult and it takes a great deal of understanding and patience for the raging waters to merge into peaceful calm. Often when two rivers merge, the turbulence produces muddy waters, and only as time elapses does the silt sift to the bottom and the waters again become clear.
How does culture affect your family? Think of it like this. Picture a painting or a photo of your family. You see yourself and your husband and all the children in the picture, right? But what of the background? Is the background a pale pastel with no life, or are there mountains and streams in the background, or are you standing in front of the skyline of a large city? Culture is to your family what the background is to the picture of your family. It's like the backdrop of a stage where the drama of family living is enacted; change the backdrop and it changes the entire picture.
May I say something very important at this point? Culture, in itself, is neither right nor wrong; it is right or wrong only in relationship to the revealed Word of God, which gives us direction for our lives. Your family is affected by the culture in which you live and in which your children grow up. It's always been that way, and it always will be that way. At times you can change the backdrop of culture which surrounds your family, but there are other times you have to live with it; nonetheless, there are things you can do to either maximize the impact of culture on your lives or to minimize its influence.
How does culture influence our lives? Take 30 minutes and read the opening chapters of the book of Genesis in the Bible. You'll see how Lot chose to live in Sodom because the grass was greener there for his cattle, but the gross immorality and wickedness of Sodom affected his own children. Abraham, on the other hand, chose to live apart from the influence of Sodom, trusting God for his needs. Nonetheless, your home can be an insulation against some aspects of culture which you feel are wrong and harmful. You have to decide, and then you have to draw the line and say, "Our family is going to be different!"
How does culture influence our lives? Take 30 minutes and read the opening chapters of the book of Genesis in the Bible. You'll see how Lot chose to live in Sodom because the grass was greener there for his cattle, but the gross immorality and wickedness of Sodom affected his own children. Abraham, on the other hand, chose to live apart from the influence of Sodom, trusting God for his needs. Nonetheless, your home can be an insulation against some aspects of culture which you feel are wrong and harmful. You have to decide, and then you have to draw the line and say, "Our family is going to be different!"
But there is one thing for sure: If you fail to help create the culture which surrounds your family, the world surrounding you will provide that culture. "But as for me and my house," said Joshua long ago when he was battling the culture of his age, "we will serve the Lord." He did, and so can you.
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