-Author Unknown-
It has been six months since I was terminated from my first job. Unlike most college graduates, I was immediately employed by a company in which I started as an On-the-Job trainee. When I graduated, they absorbed me. I was so thankful then, because in spite of the stiff competition, aside from the fact that I am not a degree holder, finding a good job is very difficult.
My family went through a financial crisis and the back-pay I received from my company is finished. I was the eldest son so I really felt the weight of hardship. But I held on to my faith that God will give me a job. But I can’t help feeling scared, discouraged and dismayed. I grew up in a Christian family and in my knowledge, it is a sin to get angry with God.
My mother and I used to dispute over finances. One day we had a row because she told me I am not exerting enough effort to look for a job. She said I am only sitting all day surfing the internet and spending a lot. When I explained to her that I am looking for a job through the internet, she didn’t believe me. I did not argue anymore because there were no Jobstreet and JobsDB in her time. I was so down then and she will nag at me about my being jobless and useless. I was never disrespectful to my mother even if I am hurt by her words.
And at times I feel so weak and I need a mother to comfort me, it was the opposite. I am looking for a job, I am exerting much effort, but why does it seem something is deterring? All the companies I applied to were not calling me. And if somebody calls, I fail the exams. I felt like my chest is exploding and I ran upstairs. I banged the door and cried my heart out in my bed. I was blaming God. I knew it is wrong to get angry with God but I can’t help it.
Tears flowed on my pillow and I poured all my emotions against God. I don’t care anymore if He gets angry with me.
“I’m so disappointed with You, Lord! Why are You doing this to me? I cannot pretend anymore with You, it’s the same thing. You see what’s really inside my heart.”
I continued to pour my anger towards Him as if it is a friend who hurt me I am talking to. I admitted my fears, doubts, weakness, and even my secret dismay and anger towards Him.
“I held on to my faith but why were You not answering me?”
After some time, I felt eased. The rage I felt changed to resentment only. Then I saw myself talking, like sharing my hurt to a friend, a friend who truly understands my reactions because of my bitterness against him. A few minutes later, hope came back and my faith to His promise that He will not forsake me. And for the first time after I became a Christian, I prayed wholeheartedly and earnestly…
“Lord, I am hurting. You know how much I suffered when I lost my job. I want to be honest with You, since You know what’s inside my heart. I am scared about my future, that I may not be able to work again. It’s so hard to find a job, most of the company take university graduates and degree holders. I am only a technician. If it is possible, remove me from this situation. I can’t take it anymore. But I still put my trust in You. I want to believe, help me with my unbelief.”
I cried again. “If my will is to be done, I want to put an end to this. But if I really have to go through this my Lord, if going through this pain would make me a better person, then I surrender to Your will…even if You see me hurting, even if You see me crying, if this would bring glory to Your Name…don’t stop Lord…DON’T STOP UNTIL YOU ARE FINISHED!!’
After saying this, I felt cool air surround my whole body. It felt like hugging me. I felt a little strange, but I felt more strange when I heard a still small voice, talking to my heart.
“Finally, My child, you have learned your lesson.”
In one snap, my mind was enlightened and I understood that God wanted me to go through all of these so I can know His power. For seven months, He stopped the rain of blessings so I can be honest with him, even to unpleasant emotions that I feel. I realized that God wanted us to be honest and authentic with Him rather than praising Him outside our heart. In those seven months, He taught me how to be like King David, being openly honest to Him. Before, I used to know about Him…but now I know Him…deeply, personally.
Then the Voice continued, “Now, tell Me what kind of job you want.”
Because I learned to be honest, I became specific.
“Lord, I want a job with above minimum salary. I want a workplace near my home. I want to develop more my skills in IT or computer, a company where I can study in the evenings so I will learn the latest on IT. If it is possible, I want Christian officemates. And Lord, is it okay to make a request?...can I have a job where I can wear long-sleeved shirt and a necktie?”
I don’t know but maybe He smiled at what I said.
Tok, tok…I was surprised when somebody knocked at the faculty room. I was awakened from my flashback. “Sir RJ, your students for the Programming class have arrived. Room 3.”
I replied that I’ll follow. Our morning devotion, which is part of the daily routine in Informatics, Ortigas Branch has just finished. My workplace is only two rides away from home. I’ve been here for a year now. I don’t study in the evenings anymore because our company provides training on latest IT courses for IT instructors like me, so we can teach the students. After some time, I heard the song Through It All playing on the background from the manager’s office. It is boss’ favorite. I fixed the fold of my sleeves and tightened my necktie before I left the faculty room...
My family went through a financial crisis and the back-pay I received from my company is finished. I was the eldest son so I really felt the weight of hardship. But I held on to my faith that God will give me a job. But I can’t help feeling scared, discouraged and dismayed. I grew up in a Christian family and in my knowledge, it is a sin to get angry with God.
My mother and I used to dispute over finances. One day we had a row because she told me I am not exerting enough effort to look for a job. She said I am only sitting all day surfing the internet and spending a lot. When I explained to her that I am looking for a job through the internet, she didn’t believe me. I did not argue anymore because there were no Jobstreet and JobsDB in her time. I was so down then and she will nag at me about my being jobless and useless. I was never disrespectful to my mother even if I am hurt by her words.
And at times I feel so weak and I need a mother to comfort me, it was the opposite. I am looking for a job, I am exerting much effort, but why does it seem something is deterring? All the companies I applied to were not calling me. And if somebody calls, I fail the exams. I felt like my chest is exploding and I ran upstairs. I banged the door and cried my heart out in my bed. I was blaming God. I knew it is wrong to get angry with God but I can’t help it.
Tears flowed on my pillow and I poured all my emotions against God. I don’t care anymore if He gets angry with me.
“I’m so disappointed with You, Lord! Why are You doing this to me? I cannot pretend anymore with You, it’s the same thing. You see what’s really inside my heart.”
I continued to pour my anger towards Him as if it is a friend who hurt me I am talking to. I admitted my fears, doubts, weakness, and even my secret dismay and anger towards Him.
“I held on to my faith but why were You not answering me?”
After some time, I felt eased. The rage I felt changed to resentment only. Then I saw myself talking, like sharing my hurt to a friend, a friend who truly understands my reactions because of my bitterness against him. A few minutes later, hope came back and my faith to His promise that He will not forsake me. And for the first time after I became a Christian, I prayed wholeheartedly and earnestly…
“Lord, I am hurting. You know how much I suffered when I lost my job. I want to be honest with You, since You know what’s inside my heart. I am scared about my future, that I may not be able to work again. It’s so hard to find a job, most of the company take university graduates and degree holders. I am only a technician. If it is possible, remove me from this situation. I can’t take it anymore. But I still put my trust in You. I want to believe, help me with my unbelief.”
I cried again. “If my will is to be done, I want to put an end to this. But if I really have to go through this my Lord, if going through this pain would make me a better person, then I surrender to Your will…even if You see me hurting, even if You see me crying, if this would bring glory to Your Name…don’t stop Lord…DON’T STOP UNTIL YOU ARE FINISHED!!’
After saying this, I felt cool air surround my whole body. It felt like hugging me. I felt a little strange, but I felt more strange when I heard a still small voice, talking to my heart.
“Finally, My child, you have learned your lesson.”
In one snap, my mind was enlightened and I understood that God wanted me to go through all of these so I can know His power. For seven months, He stopped the rain of blessings so I can be honest with him, even to unpleasant emotions that I feel. I realized that God wanted us to be honest and authentic with Him rather than praising Him outside our heart. In those seven months, He taught me how to be like King David, being openly honest to Him. Before, I used to know about Him…but now I know Him…deeply, personally.
Then the Voice continued, “Now, tell Me what kind of job you want.”
Because I learned to be honest, I became specific.
“Lord, I want a job with above minimum salary. I want a workplace near my home. I want to develop more my skills in IT or computer, a company where I can study in the evenings so I will learn the latest on IT. If it is possible, I want Christian officemates. And Lord, is it okay to make a request?...can I have a job where I can wear long-sleeved shirt and a necktie?”
I don’t know but maybe He smiled at what I said.
Tok, tok…I was surprised when somebody knocked at the faculty room. I was awakened from my flashback. “Sir RJ, your students for the Programming class have arrived. Room 3.”
I replied that I’ll follow. Our morning devotion, which is part of the daily routine in Informatics, Ortigas Branch has just finished. My workplace is only two rides away from home. I’ve been here for a year now. I don’t study in the evenings anymore because our company provides training on latest IT courses for IT instructors like me, so we can teach the students. After some time, I heard the song Through It All playing on the background from the manager’s office. It is boss’ favorite. I fixed the fold of my sleeves and tightened my necktie before I left the faculty room...
#1 Home Based Internet Business - [click here]
0 Comments